Self-Love & The “If Only”s
“If only I had more self-confidence, if only I had more money, was slimmer, prettier, smarter, (fill in the blank), my business would be more successful etc. etc. …. I would then start/continue working on my business by getting out there and networking, making those important speeches, making that all important sales call, etc. Instead, I procrastinate, put things off, avoid doing what I know would help me build my business. And then of course, one of my severe headaches or stomach ache would start and so, ... if only I was healthier (sigh)…” Does this sound a little familiar?
Well, what if I were to tell you, if you made a certain decision, that you may be just a stone’s throw away from doing just that – start/continue working on your growing and successful business? Would that really scare the living daylights out of you? Enough for you to go running to the hills – anything to escape the actual “doing” of building a more successful business?
Well, I was there once. It wasn’t a nice place to be. And even though I was determined enough (because I knew I had a skill that I was passionate about sharing with the world) and invested (a lot of money) in business classes, courses, mentors, coaches, I still found it extremely hard to engage in and follow up on their sage, expert advice/tips on how to be a successful business owner by taking action on their advice and therefore, being able to make that vital connect with more of my potential ideal clients who would want to work with me – which of course, was my dream - to work with and help more successful business women be more successful!
So, what was getting in the way of my dream of being a more successful business owner?... Self-love or I should say, the lack of - the fear of being successful and the fear of failing! And this amplified my social phobia, my panic attacks, anxiety etc; The fear of being around others (for fear of being bullied, criticized, judged, etc.). And at a very deep level, I didn't feel good enough or worthy of self-love or love from others - I knew somehow it would all go pear-shaped and I would be disappointed and heartbroken in the end - so why would I even start?!
What a living nightmare - all of these all tangled up! It was really hard to determine what was going on for me. I only knew that something was wrong. I found myself doing everything that I could do to play it safe, (self-sabotage) even if that meant hurting my business I loved and not being able to serve these lovely ladies who so needed my help.
And so, I continued to invest more time & energy in my inner work, getting in touch with the hurt inside, healing my unmet needs still stored within, deeply rooted in my past. And as I healed that hurt I reconnected with my deepest self and self-love surfaced. And so my self-confidence started to grow, I am now able to comfortably follow the expert advice of the experts, happy to be around others , happy to be seen and heard; happily building relationships (both physical and online) without fear of any sort overwhelming me.
Loving my self, accepting and trusting in myself and my abilities have grown. And I now have the faith that as long as I’m being proactive with working on my business and confidently taking steps towards all the opportunities I find; to make wonderful networking connections, happily building relationships, speaking from my heart; coming from a place of self-love helps me to connect and have a better understanding of how the world works.
Now armed with the firm belief that everyone (including me) is doing the best they can with the resources they have available to them at the time. And now being able to accept myself and that everything will work out for the best.
And the crucial thing now I have done my inner work, I am able to accept myself as a flawed human being who is willing to learn, to grow from both my mistakes and my successes; Being a imperfectly perfect human.
I now know that if we don’t get out there and take chances, step outside our comfort zone, (learn, grow and heal at the same time) then there’s a good chance that you may stagnate, become ever more anxious – that vicious cycle of, on the one hand wanting to feel safe and secure yet on the other knowing your business will fail if you do stay home and play it safe - an ever ending source of extreme dis-stress. I know it tied me in knots!
If you make the choice to play it safe, and stay within your comfort zone, a part of you may feel safe and secure but it may also lead to a lonely but “safe” life probably without a more successful business. And missed all those wonderful connections which you may have made as a more open-hearted, more grounded, resilient, stronger you. And then you, of course, you may find yourself in retirement filled with that regret that "if only" I had taken that all important step and reached out for help. Are you willing to take that risk?
That’s why I so admire and love my clients so much. I love working with them towards their goals of freedom to be themselves – they came to the realization, like me, that they needed to take action, to take that one small step towards starting or continuing their inner work.
And when we work together, we heal those parts that still have unmet needs, that need unconditional love and attention; and in so doing, they move towards growing whole and complete; feeling that inner peace, more grounded, coming to that place where they are able to trust themselves, believe in themselves, which naturally leads to quiet self-confidence.
And when they unearth the faith in themselves (long dormant and buried under so many layers) that they have the innate ability to work at becoming a more successful business woman naturally (if that is still their goal). The “if only”s a thing of the past, long forgotten.
They are too busy taking assertive, confident action; facing life’s challenges with confidence, working on their business with ease, having fun and enjoying life; making sure self-care is an essential part of their programme to help them achieve their goal, .i.e. "of being a more successful business woman" and living their life to its fullest potential.
Is it time for you to take action? One of the first things you can do for yourself is become more self-aware of what’s going on for you – thoughts, emotions, physical symptoms and your behaviour – they all have a message for you.
Gentle Inquiry (Awareness Exercise)
When you are feeling upset/sad/angry/disappointed/rejected, etc.
Gently (be curious and free of criticism) feel into that thought/feeling/ body sensation – whereabouts is it? Place it on a scale of 1 - 10 (10 feeling really bad). Maybe it has a shape, if so what kind of shape and size is it? And how old might it be? That thought/feeling /physical sensation and the resulting behaviour – is it a good thing to have? Is it supporting you and helping you move towards your goal or encouraging you to run away from it? i.e. "of being a more successful business woman?"
If anything comes to mind, put down as many learnings, words, symbols, images on a piece of paper (even if it's just stick figures) that come up for you for. And reflect, what meaning does this hold for you? What kind of affect is it having on your life?
And when you have finished your gentle inquiry, having taken action by being proactive – congratulate yourself on taking steps on your journey of self-discovery.
Does any of this resonates with you? If so, please contact me for a complimentary Emotional Discovery Call to see if we can work together to help you find that inner peace that has alluded you for so long. So that you can feel more self-confident, more grounded and in control of your feelings and enjoying an open-heartedness feeling towards life in general! Free to be you; to build a more successful business or any goal you so desire to work toward.
My name is Lorraine M. Biggs and I invite you to join me on your complimentary Emotional Discovery Call to explore and discover:
Clarity: Both around where you are now (A), where you want to be (B) and what's stopping you from getting from (A) to (B).
Mining for Gems: During this call I will guide you through a meditative visualization process to help you rediscover an inner resource. Once rediscovered, this inner resource is yours to help you (within a second) when you most need it.
Contact Me by clicking on this link: https://www.lorrainembiggs.co.uk/contact so that we can set up our "Zoom" online chat and learn more about each other.
Complimentary Offer: However, if you feel that it's too soon to chat, I do understand. So to help you to get to know me a little better, click here to get your free MP3 recording to help you feel more empowered in an instant: https://www.lorrainembiggs.co.uk/empowered-speaker
And, in time, you may start to feel fed up with carrying that hurt that’s been with you for so long, possibly feeling heavier by the year. And when you are ready to work with it to help it feel lighter, more grounded and happier, contact me. And then we can have a chat to explore whether or not I can help you and discover if we are suited to work together (I can’t help everyone, of course!).
Looking forward to hopefully connecting with you soon,
With Love & Gratitude